When the Fog Begins to Lift: A Retreat Reflection, Mount Madonna Center, CA

Now that I can name this feeling, I will embrace it even more and continue in my journey to spread love, kindness, and peace.

Dustin doesn’t often teach in-person retreats, so when I learn about this opportunity, I know I can’t miss it. Students come from all over the world to study with him.

From the moment I decide to join the retreat (Introduction to Mahamudra: The Four Yogas), I make a very clear choice: I come with an open heart and a clear mind, holding no expectations.

I look into Dustin DiPerna—who he is and what he teaches—but I intentionally avoid researching the details of the course itself. I want the experience to speak for itself. I want his energy and teaching to reach me as they are, unfiltered by someone else’s words.

From the very beginning, I am surprised by how naturally I understand the meditation instructions. Dustin guides us step by step with his calm, steady voice in a way that feels just right for me. There are many Q&A sessions and shared experiences that help prepare my mind to receive.

The retreat takes place at Mount Madonna Center, just off the coast of Santa Cruz, on a beautiful mountain surrounded by redwoods. Each morning begins with a thick, mystical fog. I start each day with a walk, helping my body adjust as I learn to sit longer in meditation.

It is powerful to share this experience with others who are also seeking peace—within themselves and for the world. I am reminded again that peace begins from within.

There is no way I can fully capture this experience. It will take time to settle. I trust it will continue to unfold through my writing, just as life unfolds for me, as awake awareness rises gently to the surface and shows me the way.

Many people here are returning for the second, third, even fourth time. And now I understand why. The teachings soak into the soul like fog seeping into the ground. It takes patience.

A year ago, I wouldn’t have been able to receive these teachings. But now, after years on the open road, I feel myself aligning.

Each morning, the fog returns—thick and heavy—giving the trees a halo, a mystical glow. The sounds of the wild—turkeys, birds, roosters—vibrate through the air. The land breathes. And as the sun of the universe continues to warm me, the fog within me slowly lifts, revealing my true self and my enduring desire for life and peace.

I have always considered myself a visual person, but it’s interesting—when we meditate through the gate of hearing, I feel like I am seeing through my ears. The sounds become so vivid. I can see the horizon—endless, vast, and peaceful. Outside our room, a temple sends Hindu chants into the air. I don’t know what the words mean, but their vibration surrounds me with a sense of beauty. It elevates the entire experience.

Dustin’s team—Charity, Koren, Michael, and Alexander—holds this space with deep care. I feel like a tree absorbing sunlight, each teaching nourishing my leaves.

As we near the end of the retreat, Dustin guides us into a deeper session. He reminds us that some of us may already be experiencing moments of awake awareness without even realizing it. One way to recognize it, he says, is by noticing the feeling that you don’t deserve it.

And it hits me.

This incredible state of being that the Mahamudra teaching refers to, I have experienced it in the past.

It happens only when I am alone in the middle of a vast landscape, feeling like I am the only person on this planet. The love that engulfs my body is beyond anything I have ever felt. In that moment, I have an enormous desire to share this feeling with every being in the universe. I feel God present in every bone in my body.

I've always thought this is what pure joy feels like. Each time I have this experience it is accompanied by a clear understanding — if everyone could feel this way we would all finally know the peace we all seek and deserve

Now that I can name this feeling, I will embrace it even more and continue in my journey to spread love, kindness, and peace.

This is my journey. My story. I don’t share it to guide or convince anyone. I share because it’s true to me. It’s raw. It’s honest. It’s mine. As you read, keep in your heart that this is just my story. If something speaks to you, take it. If it doesn’t, let it go.

Now I wonder—maybe my writing is an expression of my awareness. Maybe it’s not about explaining where it comes from, but simply allowing it to be.

I hope you feel the love in these words—for every single one of you. Wherever you are. However, you are. We are all the same, in our beautifully different ways.